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heirborn
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Name: Jennifer
Birthday: 10/18/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: God, discovering new things, anything involving music -- especially playing piano and listening to tunes on my computer, photography, figuring out ways to help people, birds, blue, friends, and laughing.
Expertise: getting lost certainly seems to be what I'm best at....either that or being late:)
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/24/2004
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| I didn't even realize that I was holding my breath until just a moment ago. When did time start sneaking by like this? The last time I looked, I was in Romania telling the story of the pilgrims over and over again. I remember hearing my mom's voice over the payphone, as clear as if she was just around the corner, asking about what the seven of us American college students were going to do on this very American holiday. I told her how curious the Romanians were about this huge meal we called "Thanksgiving", and how much we were looking forward to showing them. I didn't cry until her voice was gone, and thousands of miles seperated us once more. Today I woke up smiling. I'm home. HOME! I have never been so thankful for my family, for home. One year ago today, I was living in Europe. I can't lie, it really feels like just a few months have gone by since I was immursed in the Romanian culture. I am so glad that I had that chance! If I could go back I would do it all over again. However, I hope that I never forget what it felt like to be thousands of miles away from my comfort zone on a day that I have always celebrated familiarity. Thanksgiving isn't just about the amazing food - although that is a perk. I guess it took an ocean between home and me to help me realize how much I really have. I think that today is especially precious because I desperately needed to be home. This holiday sure had perfect timing! I wonder what I'll be saying about today in a year from now? I hope that all of you are having a wonderful Thanksgiving, whether or not you are at home. We all have so much to be thankful for! | | |
| I used to think that a full moon was just a really cool thing to point a telescope at. I used to think that the gravitational effects of the waxing and waneing moon were for punctual ocean tides and ripe sea turtle eggs. I used to secretly laugh at anyone who REALLY believed that a full moon had anything to do with anything - especially weird anythings. WELL, my friends, I would like to emphasize the past tense of those statements. Not only will I no longer laugh at the slightly superstitious, but I will never again underestimate the combination of nursing homes and a moons that are full. Little old people go crazy (well, crazier:) when the moon is at its fullest, and I swear I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't experienced it for myself.
For example, there's a sweet little old lady we'll call Edith, who has Alzheimer's. She can be a handfull, but is generally pretty negotiable about things like changing clothing and gettting in bed and such. Well, this particular night (happened to be near the full moon), I was getting her ready for bed and she started screaming - first at me, "No! Don't touch me! I don't want to be naked!" - and then at whoever would listen, "Help! HELP!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!". I stopped what I was doing to calmly explain that she didn't have anything to worry about and in just a few minutes she would be in a clean night gown and under her warm covers. This went on for several minutes - me trying to gently coax her into cooperation, and her hitting and yelling all the more. I bent over her to fit her sleeve to her wayward arm, and Edith's eyes narrowed dangerously. Through clenched teeth she said, "you!".... Without warning, her free hand was clenched around my neck and I was choking. Oh yes, my friends, I was in the death grip of little Edith, and the only escape was to abandon my task (leaving her without a nightgown on), pry her bony fingers off of my throat, and go get another CNA to help me. Speaking from experience, it is humbling be choked by someone half your size who is normally "easy" to care for. I will never make that mistake again.
Tonight was remarkably similar, only I was taking care of a woman (we'll call her Judith) who not only has Alzheimer's, but is also paralyzed on one side. She is a very sweet lady, always saying things like "you are such a nice girl", or "you are doing a good job", or "thank you hunny". Not so tonight. She was in the worst mood I have ever seen her. She kept reaching out her scrawnly little arm toward my throat (what is it with little old ladies suddenly discovering that my throat is a good place to go for if they're not happy with me??). She called me all sorts of awful names, many of them profanities, and she kept saying over and over again "you fooled me into being here! Let me go! You can't keep me here! You made a big mistake! You WANT me to suffer, don't you? That's why you put me here! HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME! SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE! THEY FOOLED ME!!" It is very difficult to take care of someone who is convinced that you're trying to hurt them.
Judith wasn't the only one off her rocker tonight, but after that, nothing surprised me. Tonight was especially hard since the staff was having problems as well. Among being unjustly blamed for some things and therefore getting a lecture from a head nurse, I also - for the first time this summer - asked God why in the world I still work here. The answer was clear enough: "to love, Jenn, to love."
(sigh) I'm trying, folks, I'm trying so hard.
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| Goodmorning!
I still can't believe that I am awake at this ungodly hour...but alas, I am a working girl now, and this requires the night owl in me to wake up a bit earlier than previously programed...
I'm not sure how to describe my life to you except "work". You may call me a workaholic if you like, I'm starting to use that work (haha, I even mispell similar words) myself. I really don't know what I was thinking. lol But all is well, I assure you. I love my externship, where I am constantly learning even though I can't legally do more than vital signs and such. And the nursing home is the nursing home. The old folks always need some good old TLC.
I'm off to the hospital...I hope that summer has been amazing for all of you so far!
-jenn:) | | |
| Have you ever been overcome by the thought that you are living in destiny? That you are holding it in your hands right now, and every mili-second that you use to decide what to do with it determines your tomorrow? Have you ever felt like your life was a movie? Like one of those action thrillers where life is going along just fine, but the climax of the music tells you that something is about to happen - something you probably weren't prepared for? Have you ever dreamed that your life meant something more than what it appeared to be? Have you ever been wakened from that dream with a start, left to wonder what was about to happen, and why? Have you ever wished that you could take back those words? Have you ever hoped that you would make a difference in this crazy world of ours? Hmm...me too. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. What in the world am I supposed to do with all of these dreams? Where do I put all of them so that the adventerous spirit in me doesn't just take off without warning? "See ya, Jenn! Didn't feel like waiting around - catch me if you can!" Oh, believe me, if it weren't for my wise parents and a few patient friends, I'd be off doing who-knows-what, only wishing for a college degree. But here I am, already beginning the last summer of my college career. **Well, that's assuming that I do well next year!** I'm ready for something to change. I'm only getting older while I wait for someone to come waltzing along and change it all for me. Probably a good idea to act now while I still have these dreams to wrestle with...while I still have parents and friends who care enough about me to keep me from going to far. I'm not gonna stop wishing and hoping and dreaming...I'm gonna start living - like I mean it! | | |
| I took a walk this evening. It was almost midnight, actually. The campus was just starting to settle down. I smiled as I watched numerous boyfriends walk their girlfriends back to the dorms. The mixture of warm fog hanging in the air and the darkness of a cloudy sky was enough to invoke a certain sense of calm in my restless spirit. I was very grateful in those moments for the assurance of safety that this campus offers me on nights like this, if only so that I can have a few moments to myself without the fears that one would have doing the same thing in a dark alley somewhere. I was surprised to note all of the different memories that became fresh visions in my mind as I passed by buildings and grounds that I have blindly walked through for three years now. Many faces made their way back to my consciousness, and I have not been as sorry to see college pass by so quickly as I was then. I hear so many people, especially now that we're juniors, talking about how they can't wait to be done. Don't get me wrong, just the very thought of walking across that platform, diploma in hand, gives me the chills. But I have learned so much more in this place than how to be a nurse. (Guess I'm lucky I still have a year left, huh? Remind me that I said that come finals time:) So here I was, lost in my thoughts, completely caught up in memories and the delight of God's presence, when I startled myself by catching my foot mid-air from smooshing a worm that was making its way across my path. This slimey nightcrawler was rhythmicly using its four-or-so inch body to make a remarkably straight line across the damp sidewalk. I was immediately enthralled by how dedicated this little guy was. I watched him finally reach the mud on the other side, fully expecting him to dive in, but he kept going! Where a four inch worm was heading at 12 a.m.on a wet, foggy Saturday night beats me. But as I watched him change direction a few times, my eyes caught movement nearby. Suddenly, I realized that the whole ground was alive with happy little worms! Most of them were just poking their little heads out, but I counted at least six. I imagined a whole bunch of reasons why they might have decided to venture out of the cold ground now, but I have a feeling that it has a lot to do with the irresistable, wordless summon of Spring. I hope that I am like that little worm. I don't want to settle for the first ground that isn't concrete anymore. I want to keep crawling into the night until I find what's best. It's easy to forget that there's a much larger picture than what I'm staring at right now, and so I must remember to trust in the God who delights in my success - especially when I realize that He's the one in control. I hope that anyone who sees me will be able to see not necessarily that I'm different, but more that I care. Props to anyone who just read that whole thing. I've got a lot on my mind tonight. -jenn:) | | |
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